Leprechaun Loser
Empty boxes, stacked across the kitchen floor, are strewn with blankets and towels, and I believe one of my sweaters. They are filled with candy and gold painted rocks intended to deceivingly trap an unknowing leprechaun.
The disappointed look on my son's face in the morning when he discovers that the leprechaun has not wreaked havoc in the house to his expectation instantly tells me I have once again failed at bringing mythical creatures to life in the house.
Tooth Fairy Forgiveness
My daughter who lost her tooth in the morning before dashing out to the bus, inserts newly excavated tooth into a sandwich baggy and deposits it somewhere in the kitchen. The following morning she remarks how the tooth fairy never came and brought her cash.
We must not have left her a note. We must not have placed the tooth under your pillow. She must be running low on cash! The plethora of reasons for the pathetic excuse of a fairy that she is, come spilling out of my mouth at rapid speed. An immediate plan for the next night is quickly put into place.
Elf on the Shelf, Oh Sh*t
And who doesn't know the magical morning moments of realization that nobody moved the Elf to his new household lodging and then is faced with two options: sneak around the house like a stealthy ninja warrior performing acrobatics or spin a believable tale of bad snowstorms at the North Pole, of dirty room reporting, and thanks to 2020, in need of quarantine time!
Self Sabotage and Auntie's Antics
We as parents need to ask ourselves, why? Why do we see the story books and stuffed creatures and somehow believe that starting cute little traditions will provide joyful memories and never-ending adventures!
What about the family's favorite aunt who surprises everyone at the holidays with a friend, pet, or outfit change for our magical or mythical creature?!
Band of Parents
Aren't we as parents supposed to stick together and support one another? Time to take back our homes and stop encouraging the propaganda and riotous shenanigans of mythical creatures in the wee hours of the night.
Time for fully rested nights of sleep - free of panic and fear of failure and forgetfulness! Band of parents - unite!
